{"id":169,"date":"2019-03-31T02:25:34","date_gmt":"2019-03-31T02:25:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cusjc.ca\/mrp\/strainedrelations\/?page_id=169"},"modified":"2019-05-21T01:21:10","modified_gmt":"2019-05-21T01:21:10","slug":"choi-eunbee","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/cusjc.ca\/mrp\/strainedrelations\/choi-eunbee\/","title":{"rendered":"Choi Eunbee"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Eunbee’s
\nStory<\/h1>\n

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Choi Eunbee asks a lot of questions.<\/p>\n

\u201cHow many religions are there in Canada?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you still live with your parents?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is dating like in Canada?\u201d <\/p>\n

She gathers information like a computer \u2013 synthesizing each new detail and adjusting her worldview according to the newly acquired information.<\/p>\n

Eunbee, 17, dresses in a trendy t-shirt and a short black skirt. When she walks downtown, she blends in with other Seoulites. It is a skill she has carefully crafted since moving from North Korea \u2013 the art of assimilating.<\/p>\n

A rash adolescent decision led Eunbee to Seoul from North Korea.<\/p>\n

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Eunbee can still hear her mother and father\u2019s explosive arguments<\/h2>\n

When she was nine years old, her mother was incarcerated for selling illegal goods on the black market. After her mother was released from prison, home life was never the same. Her parents constantly argued.<\/p>\n

When Eunbee was about to enter high school, her parents talked about getting a divorce.<\/p>\n

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[Video \u00a9 Ash Abraham. Photos in Pyongyang \u00a9 Roman Harak, used with permission]\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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While her parents’ relationship deteriorated, Eunbee soared as an academic. Her marks earned her a highly sought after position in a special youth army. But since her parents were planning on divorcing, Eunbee couldn\u2019t accept the prestigious army post. Divorce effects one’s Songbun<\/em> in North Korea. Songbun<\/em> is a caste system based on family background. Eunbee’s parent’s decision to divorce would determine her career path, by putting her in a lower caste.<\/p>\n

Eunbee was furious. All of her studying and hard work was meaningless, because of her parents’ divorce.<\/p>\n

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Left, elementary school students on their way to school. Right, women in the Korean People’s Army. Pyongyang, North Korea.\u00a0[Photo \u00a9 Roman Harak, used with permission]<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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Tumen River, Border of North Korea and China. [Photo used with permission by Open Society Foundation]\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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“I was rotting away”<\/h2>\n

<\/h2>\n

On December 31, Eunbee made the decision to go to China. She met up with a friend who also wanted to leave. They escaped into China the next day without a plan.<\/p>\n

Eunbee felt the weight of her action when she reached the other side of the river, and realized she could never go back home.<\/p>\n

What she now describes as a 16 year old hormone-fueled decision affected the rest of her life.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe first six months I spent in China, my tears never dried,\u201d says Eunbee. \u201cI couldn’t go back, because I didn\u2019t want to endanger my family.\u201d<\/p>\n

Shortly after arriving in China, Eunbee and her friend were sold to men in the countryside. Human trafficking is rampant along the China North Korean border. China\u2019s one-child policy left towns like those bordering North Korea with few female prospects for farmers.<\/p>\n

Trafficking is especially common for North Korean women who enter China without any identification.<\/p>\n

Eunbee wants to forget her time in China. \u201cI was rotting away,\u201d she says. \u201cMy life was destroyed in China. I didn\u2019t want to leave North Korea only to be destroyed and rot away in China.\u201d<\/p>\n

She heard about the route leading to South Korea, and considered escaping from her arranged marriage. She also wanted to go back to school.<\/p>\n

In time, Eunbee gathered courage to purchase a fake I.D. She travelled by train on the “underground route” to Thailand. She escaped from her trafficker, and set out for South Korea with several friends.<\/p>\n

\u201cI pretended that I was confident.” To make sure the police wouldn\u2019t detect she was North Korean, Eunbee\u2019s Chinese friends spoke for her.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was like hell,\u201d she says. “I was sweating, because of my different accent.\u201d<\/p>\n

The women travelled together without brokers.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one protected us. We were just girls,\u201d says Eunbee.<\/p>\n

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[Video \u00a9 Ash Abraham. Art by Golbon Moltaji]\u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

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Eunbee was ready to start her life in South Korea. For the first time since her decision to leave North Korea, she was able to freely make decisions for herself. She liked choosing what to do with her time. But the experience was also isolating. She was alone.<\/p>\n

\u201cAfter Hanawon I was sad and depressed. I was alone,\u201d she recalls. \u201cI was also confused. I got a cell phone, and I kept thinking is this really mine?\u201d<\/p>\n

Eunbee wanted to blend into South Korean society. She became obsessed with the way she spoke and looked \u2013 each night playing back a long list of the errors she made in the day.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn’t want to make a mistake or fail. I was very stressed and worried,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Letting her accent show,\u00a0using older words instead of the new English words or not knowing a common South Korean pop culture reference would alert people to the fact she was from North Korea. They may judge her, and it could be difficult for her to make friends.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis stress came from a desire to build relationships with others. It was very difficult, because I want to be perfect,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Eunbee has her guard up at all times. She purposely doesn\u2019t have any South Korean friends, saying she\u2019s not ready.<\/p>\n

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Seoul, South Korea. [Photo \u00a9 Ash Abraham] <\/em><\/p>\n

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Crossing the line<\/h3>\n

\u201cSometimes, when I am happy, when things are going really well, that’s when I make a mistakes and cross the line,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

For Eunbee, crossing the line means saying something in a North Korean accent or not knowing something obvious to South Koreans like the name of a K-pop song.<\/p>\n

To alleviate some of her social anxiety, Eunbee moved into a group home with other North Korean women. It is a good solution for her while she studies English and learns the nuances of South Korean culture.<\/p>\n

The first national holiday Eunbee passed in South Korea was difficult. Most of the other North Korean women have family in the country.<\/p>\n

\u201cI tried not to express my sadness or my loneliness, because I wanted to look fine,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\u201cBe a perfectionist don\u2019t express.”<\/p>\n

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Returning to North Korea<\/h3>\n

Eunbee often thinks about going back to North Korea.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don’t know where my home is,\u201d she says. \u201cI live in South Korea and that\u2019s why my home is maybe here. But my home where I spent a long time is in North Korea.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eunbee hopes that she will gain confidence to be able to make friends with South Koreans. She even hopes to date a boy.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don’t want a boyfriend to have prejudice or treat me differently,\u201d says Eunbee. \u201cIf I find someone I really love, then maybe I can reveal myself from the beginning. But if I don\u2019t trust this person, then I don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Eunbee’s StoryChoi Eunbee asks a lot of questions. \u201cHow many religions are there in Canada?\u201d \u201cDo you still live with your parents?\u201d \u201cWhat is dating like in Canada?\u201d She gathers information like a computer \u2013 synthesizing each new detail and adjusting her worldview according to the newly acquired information. Eunbee, 17, dresses in a trendy […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":106,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-169","page","type-page","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\nChoi Eunbee - Strained Relations<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cusjc.ca\/mrp\/strainedrelations\/choi-eunbee\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Choi Eunbee - Strained Relations\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Eunbee's StoryChoi Eunbee asks a lot of questions. \u201cHow many religions are there in Canada?\u201d \u201cDo you still live with your parents?\u201d \u201cWhat is dating like in Canada?\u201d She gathers information like a computer \u2013 synthesizing each new detail and adjusting her worldview according to the newly acquired information. 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